I hope you don’t mind the Pearl Jam reference, but I now have that song running through my head.
As if you couldn’t already tell from the silence on my blog, I’ve been in a real funk for several weeks. Part of it might be that I suffer from SAD, part of it might be adjusting to medication changes, or it could just be straight depression. Who knows? I’m starting to come out of it finally, but had a bad and sudden relapse Wednesday night which sent me back to the bottom of this long, winding spiral staircase that I seem to be climbing.
I do actually have a bit of stitching to show, but it’s at home and I’m at work, so I’ll post it later.
Christmas was strange this year. My dad got sick, so my parents couldn’t come down. That made for a change in plans, with an adjusted meal (ham, instead of cooking a whole turkey for just four of us) and just Terry’s dad and his new wife over for dinner. Unfortunately, the changes didn’t help my depression, which has really colored everything in my life with a gray haze.
As a result, we are trying to have Christmas dinner again tomorrow. I call it Christmas, Part 2. My parents should be here in a couple of hours and we’ll cook the turkey and go the whole nine yards (again) tomorrow. I know we’re nuts to do this, but Terry can’t eat turkey, so it would probably go into the trash otherwise. Besides, my parents have yet to meet Terry’s dad’s wife, so we had to get them back over to our house for a little bit. What better excuse than a big meal, right? I have a feeling I’ll be crashing on Sunday.
Other than that, I’ve been sleeping. A lot. I think that’s one of my symptoms of depression, as well. Lack of motivation, sleeping a lot, I even considered closing my ONS, but I know better than to make big decisions when I’m not feeling myself. Besides, I got two orders from new customers this week. That’s always good news.
On the work front, I started back on Wednesday. It’s been a quiet week here, as a lot of people took off the 3 days this week. We’ll be back up to full capacity on Monday, I suspect. I’m finally getting some more work in my new position. I’ve been pushing myself onto the guy whose work I’ll be sharing because a) I don’t have any more work to do in my old position right now and b) he’s so busy that if I wait for him to come to me, it’ll never happen. The busier I get, the happier I’ll be, though I suspect that’s still a while in the making.
I’ve been in a slump on the stitching side. Mostly because I’ve been feeling like hardanger lately, but the past two pieces I’ve done, I’ve accidentally cut threads in the outer buttonhole stitching when I went to cut the pieces out and I actually threw one of the pieces out, as a result. No fun. Of course, what I could do is to stitch them up but not cut them out. I’m not having a problem with cutting the hardanger sections out, just the border. I might just have to start something(s) new to get over the hump. We’ll see.
As I continue to fight to come up out of this depression, I would appreciate your positive thoughts and energy. 🙂
I was thinking about you because you hadn’t posted. And just when I was getting ready to write a note, here you are! I think getting some people in and forcing yourself to interact with them may help just a little. Maybe?
Jenna, just sending hugs. Hope you feel better soon. I’ve missed reading your entries.
Thinking of you and sending many happy thoughts your way:) I hope 2008 is a good year for you and Terry!
Dark gray days do not help with anything. Today started out so dreary here, but towards the end of the day the clouds lightened a bit – but it was not sunny, not by a long shot. Afraid I’m once again falling prey to the January blahs too. I hope the sky breaks and sends a ray of sunshine into your house and psyche! Hugs!!
It’s a brand new year with brand new days in it. Every “tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it.”
Take your time and just be you… and for every accomplishment no matter how big or small, remember to spoil yourself to celebrate.
And little by little, the gray haze will melt away. It may take some time, but that’s ok too.
Jenna, I know just how you feel! I suffer from depression, also! I am also having problems with it right now! I will thinking of you and praying for you! Take care!
{{{{Jenna}}}} I hope your second Christmas meal goes well
Oh, Jenna. Wish you could feel the hugs I’m sending!! I hope that having your parents right there in the flesh will have the same effect on you that it does for me. Having my dad here is especially comforting and strengthening for me – he really does make me believe in myself again. He’s like a miracle worker. Hey, maybe I could lend him to you? 😉 Seriously, I think having Christmas dinner, Part 2 is a brilliant idea and I hope it does wonder to clear that gray haze for you. Please feel free to email me anytime if you just want to unload, okay??
Hang in there. You’re doing all the right things – talking about it, getting help, sticking with the medication, gathering your support, etc. Take every day as another victory and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Try to find joy in little things whenever you can, whether it’s a good meal or a funny tv show or a bunch of flowers from the grocery store. It’s hard, I know, but you are going to feel better soon!
I so missed hearing from you!
Tons of warm thoughts headed your way! ((hugs))
Sending you my thoughts and hugs. I’ve been having a hard time of it as well, so I can completely understand. Hope you feel more on track soon. Email me if you need to chat!