Life Isn’t Fair

I would count this as a realization, but I’ve always known this for a fact – Life is NOT Fair.

My best friend at work has been having some breathing difficulties on and off for nearly 6 months. She has gone to the doctor repeatedly and was told that it must be allergies. Given that I think we currently reside in a “sick” office building, I wasn’t surprised. However, last week her chest congestion and breathing problems worsened and she became very concerned. She went to the doctor for the third time about this issue and this time he sent her for a chest x-ray. The x-ray revealed that something foreign had infiltrated both lungs, so they sent her for a CAT scan with the contrast dye injected into her bloodstream. She was told that it could be lung cancer, damage to her lungs from previous radiation and chemotherapy treatments or a bad infection. Obviously, she was hoping for the latter. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. Yesterday, she went to her oncologist and received the news that it was most probably lung cancer. They need to run some needle biopsies and several other tests to prove the diagnosis conclusively and determine treatment.

This is where the “life isn’t fair” part comes in. My dear friend has survived breast cancer – TWICE. She also had a small mass removed from her arm a couple of years ago that required no further treatment. This woman has been through hell and back (excuse my language) and now she’s going to have to go through it all over again. Cancer has cast a huge shadow over her life for so many years. Everytime she has a health problem, she worries that the cancer has come back again. And here it is.

I called and spoke with her yesterday afternoon and she was very calm about it, but she did admit that she was still in shock. Of course, my selfish instincts have me wracking my brain to figure out what I can possibly do for her. I found a website that sells products for every cancer known to man (practically), so I filled up a cart. I then abandoned it, thinking that there is always still some remote possibility that she won’t have it and that I should wait until all of the test results come back. I know that it is wishful thinking, but part of me insists on waiting.

And yet another part of me groans inwardly, saying “Not again!” You may remember that all hell started to break loose in my life around this time last year. By this time last year, I had lost my maternal grandmother, my mother-in-law (Mom2) and was a little over a month away from losing my paternal step-grandfather. He had lung cancer, too.

I feel like I’m going through all the stages of grief nearly simultaneously and I haven’t even lost her (and hopefully, I won’t). I am in denial, I’m scared, I’m sad and I’m angry, all at the same time. I just want to beat my breast, look up towards the heavens and scream “WHY?!” I feel an insatiable need to rip the pink bracelet off of my arm, run out and buy supplies to make a new one in pearl/clear, which is the color of the lung cancer awareness ribbon. Better yet, I want to make one in three colors – pink for breast cancer, pearl for lung cancer and purple for cancer survivors – just for her. In fact, I may stop at Michael’s on my way home from my appointment with Dr. Steve tonight to pick up the beads. I feel so helpless, powerless to help her. And yet, I feel guilty because I know that what she is going through is worse and so much more important than my own reaction. But I can’t help her deal with this challenge until I deal with it myself.

I wonder what the life lesson is here, both for her and for me. For her, I told her yesterday that I think it’s yet another wake up call. She has so many things that she has always wanted to do in her life and she hasn’t gone out and done them. I told her that we need to come up with a plan to get her where she wants to go, doing what she wants to do, being who she wants to be. This may be her last chance or it may not. But how can you go wrong with knocking out those important life to-do items that we all put off?

My friend’s name is Mary. Please keep in your thoughts, send her healing energy, pray for her or whatever you happen to do for people in need.

Thank you for allowing me a venue to express my feelings.

About Jenna Magee

IT professional, needleworker, editor/proofreader, author, singer, musician.
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14 Responses to Life Isn’t Fair

  1. Christine V says:

    Oh Jenna, I’m so sorry to hear about Mary’s diagnosis. It certainly sounds like she’s had more than her fair share of health problems!! I guess one silver lining in all of them is that she’s fought through all of those problems and survived. I think it’s wonderful that you want to do as much as you can for her. I’ll do my part by keeping her in my thoughts.

  2. Heather says:

    Oh Jenna, life really isn’t fair. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, and I will keep her in my prayers. I think you *should* go out and buy those bead supplies and make that bracelet. Make two. One for you to wear, and one for her, to remind her that she’s made it through this before, and will come out the other side again. As a cancer survivor myself, I can’t imagine how I’d feel if it came back. Hugs, love, support and prayers to you both.

  3. Barbara says:

    Oh god, Jenna, I just don’t know what to say. I so share in your frustration of wanting to do something but coming up against the brick wall of realization that there is nothing you really can do. Your friend Mary is a heroine. Her struggles must have some meaning, even if we have to create the meaning for ourselves. I will think of Mary especially this month, while I think of my friends and family who’ve survived breast cancer and helped to give us all courage in the face of adversities.

  4. Angela says:

    I am so sorry to hear. Your response I think is , well, probably how I would react too. You want to take some sort of action. I like Heather’s idea- one for you and one for her.
    Maybe a “work or friend-wide” thing could be- a group of you all setting up a care package of sorts. A dinner delivered to her or something on whatever basis you all decide. Or even a hand around the house would be good too.
    I pray it isn’t cancer.

  5. AnneS says:

    For once I’m at a loss as to what to say … my thoughts are with Mary and those others in my life who are dealing with cancer issues right now. I like your idea of making a plan to do those things “we’ve always wanted to do, but never got around to doing them” 🙂

  6. Von says:

    Sweet, Jenna, my heart just sank for both you and your friend. I will indeed pray for Mary as she confronts yet another health battle. There have been so many in my own circles who’ve been through cancer treatments in the last few years, some with success, others whose disease had progressed too far.

    I like the idea of crafting a bracelet of all the appropriate color beads for her, yourself and others who are close to her. It would serve as a reminder that she is not alone. Small practical things like Angela suggested can be a blessing too. Stay close. 🙂

  7. Cindy says:

    My thougts and prayers are with Mary, as well as you and her family and friends. I know this must be very hard for her to be going through. . . again! I can not imagine! I thought that it was you who posted in the SOLAK group today and now I know that it was you, so I know she is a Christian woman and I will be praying for her to gain the wisdom and strength she needs to make it through this time in her life. I am also praying for the same thing for you!!!!!

  8. Coral says:

    Oh, Jenna, this is so unfair. Thinking of you and Mary. xxxx

  9. Outi says:

    (((Jenna))) and (((Mary))).

  10. Isabelle says:

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and Mary… Big hugs to you both.

  11. My thoughts go out to Mary.

    You know, no matter how bad each of us thinks we have it, there are others who must face worse. It helps put our own problems in perspective, doesn’t it?

    If she does need to go through chemo, please let me know, I’d be very happy to knit her a chemo hat.

  12. Melanie says:

    What a dreadful time she’s going through. I’m so glad she has a friend like you by her side. My thoughts are with you both.

  13. Meari says:

    I think it’s a great idea to encourage Mary to get out an do those things she’s always wanted to do, especially with friends. It will keep her spirits lifted and give you all memories to be cherished. I’ll keep her in my thoughts.

  14. You are a wonderful friend, Jenna; Mary is lucky to have you.

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