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Stitching Update – December 28, 2011

  • Posted on December 28, 2011 at 5:46 pm

First up, I will showed the framed version of the Grandmother pieces that I stitched for Christmas:

For Terry’s grandmother:

For my step-grandmother:

Then, Belinda at Tor Rhuann Designs released her 2011 ornament design on Facebook on December 16th. I loved it so much that I immediately kitted up 3 versions of it and had completed all three the next day. 😆

All 3 versions are stitched on linen (the second one is a discontinued opalescent Silkweaver fabric) with Rainbow Gallery Hi-lights fibers.

Finally, today I finished the final version of Brittercup Designs’ Britty Christmas Puppy. This one is for Lily; I’ve already done one for Abby and a memorial one for Phoebe. I just need to make sure I finish them into ornaments before next Christmas. 😉

Next up, I need to get back to working on Nora Corbett’s The Sunflower Fairy. This is where I last left her a couple of weeks ago:

Don’t Freak Out, I’m Okay

  • Posted on December 23, 2011 at 3:07 pm

I apologize to anyone that I may have freaked out with my post last night. I am struggling to deal with the reality of my parents’ impending divorce smacking me in the face while I’m home. I needed to do a brain dump to get everything out. Writing is what saves my sanity in times like these and is what I turned to the last time my mother got divorced, as well.

Thank you for your support, as I can use all that I can get right now, but I will be fine, I assure you. I just have a lot of processing to do; far more than I had realized and/or ever anticipated. So, there will probably be more writing on the horizon, but it’s not a cry for help, just a release of emotion.

Sadness

  • Posted on December 23, 2011 at 1:23 am

Please forgive this very personal post, but I had an intense need to capture my thoughts and emotions this night so that I can purge them and move on.

_________________________

Oh no, no, no, no, no. Please no. Not now. Not again.

I’ve spent the last 23 years of my life clawing my way out of that deep, dark, miserable fucking hole that I was thrown into as a child and just as I’m finally reaching the top, I find the walls to be unscalable, the surface slicked by a flood of tears that won’t stop. My eyes are red and puffy, my sinuses stuffed and swollen. I can’t lie down to try to escape into sleep because I can barely breathe. Every fiber of my being yearns to run. Run away and never look back. Never come back.

I can’t take the silence, the boredom, the sadness, the pain, the hurt, the moving boxes, the empty bookcases. It has made a place that I already disliked visiting completely unbearable. I know that I need to scrape together what has become, in just one night, in only a matter of hours, the scattered vestiges of my sanity, put on a happy face and get through the next couple of days. I’m just not sure how.

Why? Why me? Why now? Just when I was starting to regain my sense of self, remember who I really am, reach out and dare to become who I’m meant to be. Haven’t I cleared enough hurdles? Haven’t I earned the right to get myself to a place where I am happy with everything in my life? I still had a ways to go to even get there and yet here I am. Feeling like that sad, scared, empty and lonely little girl again. I don’t want to be her. I don’t want to go through that again. Losing myself for two decades was bad enough. I don’t want to lose myself again. I don’t want to be broken, like a doll laying in a ditch after a hurricane, dirty and damaged.

I have a husband who is trying to help, wants to help. But he can’t. No one can. No one can follow where I go. And no one really should or should even want to. I don’t want to be here. Not again. Never again.

And so I won’t. Somehow I will finish the climb out of that hole and I will seal it up so that I can never fall down again. I will find the strength to keep moving forward, to keep moving towards my dreams. I will not lose myself again. I can do this. I will do this.

Tonight, I may cry myself to sleep. I may feel as though I could drown in my tears. But tomorrow, the sun will rise. And another day will begin anew. And I will put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

TUSAL 2012!

  • Posted on December 8, 2011 at 12:04 pm

TUSAL = Totally Useless Stitch-a-long

You may have seen various stitching bloggers posting pictures of clear containers filled with myriad pretty colored bits of floss this year. I saw it, bought a clear glass bowl for my orts (instead of the small basket that I had been using) and started using it, but never actually signed up for the TUSAL and never posted any pictures of my ort bowl.

Next year will be different. I have officially signed up and I will empty my bowl at this end of this year (in just a couple of weeks – eek!) and make a fresh start.

I’m member number 220, so I doubt there’s anyone who follows this blog who is interested in this event who isn’t already a member, but just in case, I gave you a link at the top there. :)

Two Christmas Gifts

  • Posted on December 7, 2011 at 11:29 pm

So… busy… can’t… talk…

I stitched up an impromptu Christmas gift in 2 nights right after Thanksgiving. Then I decided to do it again and just finished the second iteration tonight.

I didn’t have any heart-shaped charms for the center, so I stitched a small Rhodes heart instead.

The design is from JBW Designs’ Sweet Nothing series, called Grandmother: A Special Love.

The first one I did was for Terry’s grandmother:

And the second one is for my step-grandmother, who will soon no longer technically be my step-grandmother (a story for another time – or not at all):

Thankfully, both of these lovely ladies love the color purple (as do I, if you couldn’t tell), so pulling supplies for each piece was easy. Each of the fabrics is an individual solo from Silkweaver and I love them both!

Both pieces are now framed and waiting to be wrapped up for Christmas.


My Stick Family from WiddlyTinks.com