June 2005 Archives
Modern Version of the Birds and the Bees
Little boy goes to his father and asks “Daddy, how was I born?” The
father answers: “Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed
to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload,
we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it
was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed
little Pop-Up appeared and said: You’ve Got Male!”
Amazingly Simple Home Remedies
Just remember… these are meant to be funny, not useful! 
- If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
- Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
- Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
- For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
- A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
- If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
- Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and
should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
How Much Do You Know About 80s Music?
http://www.blogthings.com/knowabout80smusicquiz/
I told you that I was a child of the 80s… (see post entitled How’s Your Taste in Music?)
You Scored 85% Correct
You are an 80s expert
You never confuse New Order with the Pet Shop Boys
You know which classical musician Falco rocked
When it comes to 80s music, you Just Can’t Get Enough!
How’s Your Taste in Music?
http://www.blogthings.com/yourtasteinmusicquiz/
Can you tell I’m a child of the 80′s (see post entitled How Much Do You Know About 80′s Music)?
Of course, they didn’t ask about classical music at all. That would truly prove my music geekiness (see post entitled How Geeky Are You?).
Your Taste in Music:
80′s Alternative: Highest Influence
80′s Pop: Highest Influence
90′s Alternative: Highest Influence
Adult Alternative: Highest Influence
Classic Rock: Highest Influence
Progressive Rock: Highest Influence
80′s Rock: High Influence
90′s Pop: High Influence
90′s Rock: High Influence
Hair Bands: High Influence
Punk: High Influence
R&B: High Influence
80′s R&B: Medium Influence
90′s R&B: Medium Influence
Alternative Rock: Medium Influence
90′s Hip Hop: Low Influence
Gangsta Rap: Low Influence
Old School Hip Hop: Low Influence
Ska: Low Influence
Fried Eyes?
Working through a bit of a headache tonight. I think I pushed the limits with my eyes. Stitching for hours, then worked on the laptop, then stitched some more, through some TV into the mix and you get a lot of eyestrain and periods of bad posture. Oh well, I’m stopping for the night now.
I think my goal of finishing all three models this weekend was a tad bit unrealistic… ya think?!? 
I’m getting close on the second one, but the third will probably take another week because I won’t have time to work on it during the week. Maybe I’ll send the two that are done this week…
One Model Done, Two to Go
My goal for this weekend was to finish all three models, if possible. I’m now starting to wonder if it will indeed be possible or not. I’m thinking not… but that’s probably okay. I just wanted to get these done and back to the designer as soon as possible so that she would have them sooner (it’s a rush job anyway) and so I can focus on finishing my July Exchange Gift and then other projects.
Probably going to visit my parents next weekend. It will be a good time for us to travel, due to the holiday, so that we can get a weekend in with them and then still have time to crash and relax at home for a couple of days afterwards. I’ll want to finish the models and get them shipped out before we go, so that I don’t have to take them with us. That way, I can take other small projects and hopefully get a good amount of stitching time in on them, both in the car and at my parents’ house. My step-sister will be home next weekend, as well, so it should be a busy house and an interesting time.
New Models Have Arrived
Well, the models from the new designer I just starting talking about working for arrived yesterday. I immediately ripped open the package, inspected the contents, read through all of the charts and then ironed all of the fabric. I actually did 1/4 or so of the first of the three models last night. However, I ran into a couple of questions, so thought it would be better to stop and send off an email to the designer. She responded overnight, so I’m in good shape to continue.
We’re going to visit friends for dinner tonight. The first time we’ve been able to get together with this couple in quite some time. It will be nice to see them again and just hang out with people for a change.
Rosebuds…
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this
see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a
fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells
her “Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your
rose buds show!” and out she goes. The next day the teenager comes
down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.
The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she
has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate…The
grandmother says, “Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your
rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.”
The Saga of the Public Ladies’ Room
TOILET-SQUATTING EXERCISE CLASS
My mother was a fanatic about public toilets.
As a little girl, she’d bring me in the stall, teach me to wad up
toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she’d carefully lay strips of
toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she’d instruct, “Never,
never sit on a public toilet seat.”And she’d demonstrate “The Stance,” which consisted of balancing over
the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your
flesh make contact with the toilet seat. But by this time, I’d have
wet down my leg. And we’d go home.That was a long time ago. Even now in our more mature years, The
Stance is excruciatingly difficult to maintain when one’s bladder is
especially full. When you have to “go” in a public bathroom, you
find a line of women that makes you think there’s a half-price sale
on Mel Gibson’s underwear in there. So, you wait and smile politely
at all the other ladies, also crossing their legs and smiling
politely. And you finally get closer.You check for feet under the stall doors.
Every one is occupied.
What Mythological Creature are you?
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You scored as Angel. Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don’t fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today’s society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.
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