I just had a revelation this morning. Something that will probably seem very basic to everyone else, but was MAJOR for me.<\/p>\n
I was dealing with the coworker that I referenced last week and we were working on some issues with some code that I had written. We were instant messaging back and forth, so I wrote that I was relatively green when it comes to this particular programming language. To which said person responded that I shouldn’t be that green, that this was basic program flow. I felt about 1 inch high at that moment.<\/p>\n
Until a few minutes later, it hit me. I allowed<\/em><\/strong> that person to make me feel that way. No other person really has the ability to manipulate my emotions, unless I allow them to do so. So, why would I let this person make me feel badly about myself and my skills when I am a very good programmer (I’m a very good dri-ver…). I’m not going to give anyone that power over me, and why should I? <\/p>\n Another thing that I came to understand about myself sometime last week is that I am a very vibrant person. I live my life in full color, with a lot of passion and gusto. I feel everything intensely; it’s part of what makes me who I am. Although this means that I feel pain very vividly, I also feel joy just as vividly. It’s a trade-off. My lows are lower than some people’s, but my highs are higher, as well. While that may sound bipolar, I don’t think that I am. I find it hard to explain, but the best I can do is to say that I am very passionate about everything in my life. When I’m excited, you know it. I don’t internalize, I don’t fail to show emotion. I put myself and my feelings out there for everyone to see. I am intense. I am extreme. And I wouldn’t want to be any other way, honestly. When I thought about this last week, I realized that I am happy to be who I am. I want to live my life to the fullest. I want to feel it, taste it, drink it all in. And while this may leave me open to negative experiences and even abuse from some people, I’d rather be passionate than lifeless. I am here for the life experience, the good and the bad.<\/p>\n Can you see my vibrance returning as I continue to climb out of my pit? I feel like I’ve been to the brink of despair and back again. And it feels good to be back.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I just had a revelation this morning. Something that will probably seem very basic to everyone else, but was MAJOR for me. I was dealing with the coworker that I referenced last week and we were working on some issues … Continue reading