{"id":187,"date":"2006-12-20T20:32:34","date_gmt":"2006-12-21T01:32:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/52.52.55.152\/?p=187"},"modified":"2006-12-20T22:52:02","modified_gmt":"2006-12-21T03:52:02","slug":"thirty-lines-to-make-you-smile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jennamagee.com\/?p=187","title":{"rendered":"Thirty Lines to Make You Smile"},"content":{"rendered":"
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  1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.<\/li>\n
  2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.<\/li>\n
  3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!<\/li>\n
  4. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.<\/li>\n
  5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.<\/li>\n
  6. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.<\/li>\n
  7. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me<\/li>\n
  8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.<\/li>\n
  9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.<\/li>\n
  10. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are missing.<\/li>\n
  11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.<\/li>\n
  12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.<\/li>\n
  13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.<\/li>\n
  14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.<\/li>\n
  15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.<\/li>\n
  16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?<\/li>\n
  17. Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!<\/li>\n
  18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.<\/li>\n
  19. Procrastinate Now!<\/li>\n
  20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?<\/li>\n
  21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.<\/li>\n
  22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance<\/li>\n
  23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!<\/li>\n
  24. They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.<\/li>\n
  25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.<\/li>\n
  26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.<\/li>\n
  27. Ham and eggs. A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.<\/li>\n
  28. The trouble with life is there’s no background music.<\/li>\n
  29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.<\/li>\n
  30. I smile! because I don’t know what the hell is going on.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! Some people are … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jennamagee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/187"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jennamagee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jennamagee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jennamagee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jennamagee.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=187"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jennamagee.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/187\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jennamagee.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=187"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jennamagee.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=187"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jennamagee.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=187"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}