Just remember… these are meant to be funny, not useful! \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n
\n\n
- If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.<\/li>\n
- Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.<\/li>\n
- Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.<\/li>\n
- For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.<\/li>\n
- A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.<\/li>\n
- If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.<\/li>\n
- Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.<\/li>\n
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:<\/p>\n
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and
\nshould, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.<\/p>\nRemember:
\nEveryone seems normal until you get to know them.<\/p>\nNever pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.<\/p>\n
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.<\/p>\n
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.<\/p>\n
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.\n<\/ol>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Just remember… these are meant to be funny, not useful! \ud83d\ude09 If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed. … Continue reading